Loss is defined as a process of losing someone or something, a state of grief. It is also defined as ‘a reduction of power within or among circuits, measured as a ratio of power input to power output’. Even in physics, it feels like our energy plummets, we feel ‘off’, and like the circuit to our heart is never going to reconnect. The loss feels like an irreparable break. So rarely is loss looked at with love or appreciation. We experience a loss and we mourn for the missing pieces. We long for what once was. We wish for one more moment to hold close to our heart than we did before the loss occurred. This loss is that of a relationship, be it by location, choice, death, removal in some fashion. We feel the loss throughout our body. Our head spins, our heart aches, our stomach acts a fool. We know that the feelings of loss will wane as time passes. But until then, we are left to pass the time and how we do that is the deciding factor on how long the discomfort actually lasts. None of us are new to loss. We have had someone near to us die or we have had a relationship end. Even though these feel drastically different, they both resonate similarly.
As the loss occurs, we have an opportunity to find a part of ourselves that this other embodied. We held them in fondness for a reason, and that reason is perhaps a quality we wish we could possess. Maybe their drive to be beneficial to others, their openness to move forward, their ability to bring the silly out in you. Maybe the way you looked at each other with adoration is a thing you can give to yourself. Perhaps their absence allows us to see ourselves the way they saw us. This loss is a chance to express the qualities we have within, which may be a new trait or a familiar friend. Or what if it is an opportunity to be and see what they never saw in us? What if, no matter how hard they looked, they never saw you for all that you are? What if their head knew it, as a matter of fact, but their heart was slow on the uptake and never felt it? What if you are the one, who in their absence, can feel and see what they truly meant to you? This is usually the way it is, with the heart growing fond in the absence. Then we fester in this space. We long for those eyes to lock our gaze or the arms to hold. We wish for a replacement, a do-over, a better one to take its place. In that focus, we are at the same time focusing and feeling their absence even more so.
To move forward and still appreciate what we had, we must shift the focus. We can see ourselves as the resilient humans we are, who can love the person lost regardless of their current status. We can see ourselves as the worthy of love Being we are. We can be eager with anticipation of who we will meet, due to their absence. We can look at all that we learned from them, the opportunities for shared growth, and the experiences that we had with them or because of them. We can move forward with more ease if this is the focus, rather than the focus on all the things that are no longer. We can choose to see the gifts they gave us, even if at the time unpleasant, as nuggets for our own personal development. Our paths with others occur for reasons that we may not be able to realize until the path is no more. Knowing this makes time with others more cherished, as well as making it easier to continue on our own path, with or without their presence. It is the silver lining in the break.